Passion…unbridled

Whenever I’m angry, I think I am right

That I am justified in pursuing my fight

I am at the highest point of my egocentricity

When I am angry, I have an unfortunate propensity

To forget whatever empathy might exist within me

I am selfish and unreasonable to the highest degree..

*

After raving and ranting my anger burns out

I know I’ve burnt bridges without any doubt

Gradually I start warming up to reason and am able to see

Other points of view that I had disregarded completely

I regain empathy at least to some extent

As I reflect over my anger and repent..

*

The conclusion I have from this introspection derived

Is that each time I get angry, it takes longer to revive

The more sensitive, empathetic side of me

Therefore I must try my best not to get angry…

I don’t want to be selfish, uncaring, unreasonable

Being driven to anger does all these dormant traits enable

The calmer I stay, the more attuned I can be

To the emotions of everyone around me..

I am addressing you directly, my mind

Why is it that I always find

You racing ahead of me, full of thoughts

In ever direction, so many that I cannot

Let the rest of me keep up with you

My heartbeat speeds up, adrenaline rushes in too

In order to process at a dizzying speed

Everything you throw at me, I cannot read

Inside you, my own precious mind

I am constantly trying not to be left behind..

*

Slow down, dear mind, lighten your load and mine

Purge yourself of racing thoughts, together we can then design

A life of balance, that allows frequent pause

To reflect, reset, be more intentional because

You overwork yourself, and overwhelmed I stay

To lessen our burdens we have to find a way..

*

Be with me, my mind, as I try to meditate

Let me bring you to a more equanimous state

Let thoughts float by without finding a space

To lodge themselves inside you, and displace

The blank space that we are trying to create

For negative thoughts and energy to dissipate..

You are always aware of the layers of responsibility

That you carry on your shoulders at work and for your family

You never want to let anyone down by being negligent

Of how you are perceived, you are always cognizant

In pleasing everyone you stretch yourself too thin

There is that one aspect left where you do not win-

You forget that you owe yourself something too

There are actions that you must take just for you…

*

Towards yourself, you have some obligations

You owe yourself adequate time for rest and relaxation

You owe it to yourself to be authentic in every way

You owe yourself the willingness to walk away

From a situation where you are asked to

Compromise your ethical stance, your moral values

You owe yourself the ability to say no to a request without

Explaining yourself if you have any doubt..

*

You are trying to be diligent in everything you do

Just don’t forget that you are a priority too..

There seems to be an overwhelming need

To express an opinion on burning issues indeed

To take sides based on information incomplete

Take a line from published news, regurgitate and repeat

I think I am a well-informed world citizen, therefore

I want to say something too, but thankfully before

I start expressing “my” thoughts, a flash of wisdom

In a rare moment, to my rescue does come

I realize I know next to nothing about the issue at hand

In this polarizing situation, I’m unlikely to be able to understand

What is going on, therefore I must refrain

From expressing an opinion, I must restrain

My mind from expressing something that in ignorance

Has the potential to hurt someone or cause offense..

*

The only thing I have to say

For all the innocent lives affected, I pray

(On World Mental Health Day)

Why did that person not seek help in time, they say

The judgment unfortunately does not go away

Despite a precious life lost to suicide

Of a depressed soul who was trying his best to hide

From a world where mental health issues are viewed

As personal failures or weaknesses, misconstrued

As fleeting emotions that one should be

Able to snap out of momentarily

Where “help” in the form of futile advice

To “be happy”, “have a hobby”, etc. exacts a heavy price

Where seeking professional help could mean

Being ostracized, as a social outcast seen

Where isolation insult to injury adds

The existing state of affairs is sad..

*

Do they know, help he had tried to seek

But he was ridiculed, made to feel he was weak

Unable to be productive while in the throes of depression

He was taunted for being lazy, that was the impression

Held by those near and dear to him too

Who in the world could he open his heart to?

*

Who solves problems by pretending they do not exist?

Yet the idea of mental illnesses being real we resist

Meanwhile millions suffer in silence

Until their symptoms take over their existence

For some the burden unbearable becomes

Leading to dreaded tragic outcomes…

*

The struggle is real, for many indeed

Empathy from the world is their foremost need

The harsh judgment that we reflexively dole out

Is the one thing that they can do without..

At the altar of societal mores, no life should be sacrificed

As a society, seeking help for mental health issues we should normalize

There is never a dearth of advice

Some of it appears time-tested and wise

After all, a strategy is expected to have merit

When millions of people have done it

When a path has been found and followed

By many, why should I not just walk on that road?

*

Following the well-traveled path is safe, I know

But that is not the direction in which my heart wants to go

I don’t have a better strategy in mind

Yet I am not willing to toe the line..

I’m being foolhardy, some might say

I cannot explain my rationale today

It’s just a gut feeling- it does not “feel” right to me

Therefore I shall take no action, just wait and see..

*

Millions of people have done it and found success

I wouldn’t be one of them, this I accept

Maybe my decision is unwise, only time will tell

For now, on this issue I shall no longer dwell

Of the seven cardinal sins, my guilt most frequently manifests

As gluttony- I invariably fail the test

Of self-control with food- tragically I tend

To eat much more than I intend

When I feel stressed, bored, or empty inside

My stomach wants to fill up in order to provide

Comfort to me; in a twisted manner therefore

I end up eating mindlessly, and more..

*

Modern life is such that true hunger I have not known

A lot of times when I eat, it is for self-soothing alone

But feeding therapy does not work, instead leaves me

Feeling bloated, ashamed, and sluggish physically

The ill-effects of indulgence in food I know well

Yet everything I forget when I fall under the hypnotic spell

Of Gluttony- I just eat in an attempt to drown

Negative feelings that are weighing me down…

*

Now that I have been able to rationalize

The reason for my tendency to gourmandize

I must work towards trying to separate

My stomach from my emotional state!

None of us one walks from the car to the office anymore

Looking around, making eye contact, like we would do before

Our heads are bent, our eyes focused intently

On our phones, our surroundings we do not see

Some of us are trying to be efficient, catching up on news

Or checking our e-mails, there is no time to lose

With access to the entire world on a mobile device

Making use of every minute to be productive seems wise

Some of us use that time to catch up virtually

On social media with family and friends we infrequently see..

*

The news is often disturbing, depressing, mostly bad

Leaving us perturbed, unsettled or sad

Work e-mails usually herald extra work indeed

Reading them adds to the stress that we do not need

Social media highlight reels from people we know

Sometimes invoke feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, and so

By the time we reach our desks to begin a work day

Negative feelings are already in our way…

*

On the other hand, if we were to keep our phones tucked away

Look around, smile at people, as we were walking to our desks each day

A much better start to the morning it would be

We would begin our day with more positivity

And that could translate into us being more productive

We underestimate the consequences when we give

More attention to our phones than people around

The key to productivity in our cell phones is not found…

Are people on the street going to judge me this way or that

A stranger’s opinion may be like a Schrodinger’s cat

As likely to be a rejection as it is not

I should not let that fear affect me a lot

When I am bothered by others’ perception of me

It’s an indication I do not accept myself fully

I worry about saying the wrong thing or wearing the wrong outfit

Or doing something that does not in the category of age-appropriateness fit

But I do not know how I am being viewed

My imagined opinion is by my discomfort skewed

*

Some people would have an opinion unfavorable about me

Some would be indifferent completely

Some others might admire my being unconventional

To worry about all opinions is irrational..

*

If I base my decisions on a coin toss

It would simply be my own loss

So I should stop trying to mind-read

My insecurities I should no longer feed

**The idea of a stranger’s opinion being like a Schrodinger’s cat came from a book I recently read, titled “Becoming Flawesome” by Kristina Mand-Lakhiani

(On World Tourism Day)

To gawk at a painting considered world-famous

While trying to understand all the fuss

Surrounding it; standing in long queues to be

Satisfied that the Mona Lisa you’ve been able to see

Braving throngs of people, being constantly vigilant about

Pickpockets on the streets is stressful, no doubt

You barely have time to click pictures few..

Admiring architecture and art is what you thought you would do

Instead long tours throughout the day leave you drained

You console yourself- at least a new experience you have gained..

The beauty of this place is unparalleled, it’s true

But it is overrun by tourists leaving behind litter too

You were hoping for breathtaking vistas which you do not get

You feel a bit cheated, you’re trying not to get upset…

*

You spend time and money to be a tourist in places well-known

When you really want to be is a traveler exploring places unknown

Each year after your big annual trip you make a resolution

That next year you would avoid a popular destination

And go off the beaten path to be a traveler true

But when you start planning, logistics hinder you

Trips to major tourist destinations are easier to plan, therefore

You end up being a tourist, unknown places you never explore…

It is not a small ask from me

I cannot expect you to trust me blindly..

*

We have met when you are in a vulnerable situation

Not enough time has been spent to build a relation

Between you as the patient and me as your physician

But I have to state the unvarnished truth in my position

I know the extent of your illness has not yet

Been able to sink in, you are understandably upset

When I recommend a life-altering treatment option to you

You are skeptical- in your shoes I would be too

*

I wish we had time to build stronger bridges, develop more trust

But your illness necessitates acting promptly, therefore I must

Explain everything clearly and create a plan for treatment

Reassure you I am there for you and my only intent

Is to provide for you the best possible care

But building trust takes time, I am aware..

*

Though this is our first meeting, I hope I appear

Sincere and empathetic, hope I can allay your fear

I hope over time you would come to trust me

We are in partnership for your disease, you see…

I just read an article in a women’s magazine advising women to be more decisive at workplace. I totally agree- quick decision-making is a life-changing skill at work (and in life).

I thought I was knowledgeable and well-read

I had reasonably good ideas in my head

I should have been able to put my knowledge to use..

I knew that I did not have a credible excuse

For my performance not being up to the mark

Between theory and practice, there was a difference stark

*

I was struggling then in a male-dominated workplace

In my first job, I felt like an imposter taking up space

That I did not deserve, I suffered from lack of confidence

I could not perform well under stress intense

*

I had to find why I was falling behind

As I analyzed my performance in my mind

And compared it to that of successful colleagues in my organization

One thing stood out in stark realization-

I was indecisive and vacillated a lot

Before making a final decision, tormented by the thought

That I could be completely wrong, and this trait

Made me appear incompetent, made execution of projects late

*

I began to work painstakingly on my indecisiveness

Letting go of the fear of being wrong was a slow process

I realized my decisions did not always have to be perfect

But making a decision was crucial to starting a project

I discovered that an early start also gave me

The deftness to change course as the need happened to be

*

I’ve not scaled any major heights, but I must say

That I’ve earned recognition for quick decision-making today

The imposter syndrome still lurks in the background

But fades away when I make a decision sound..