Passion…unbridled

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is known to affect ~5% of women in the week or so prior to their period. It is characterized by severe irritability, depression or anxiety that improves 2-3 days after the period starts, and may need treatment in severe cases. This poem highlights how someone with PMDD might feel.

I feel exhausted and emotionally drained

The will to do anything has waned

I don’t want to engage with anyone today

I’ll curl up in my cocoon till the blues go away

My body aches, inside I feel numb

There is profound sadness to which I succumb

Like I have done every month for so many years

This is the time of the month that I fear

The rest of the month fairly reasonable am I

But depression just seems to rain on me from the sky

As the cycle of my body enters this phase

I morph into someone else, transformed by my craze

I keep this a closely guarded secret

But often end up behaving in a way I regret

In the next day or two, in embarrassment I reflect

On what I did, and resolve that next month I would deflect

My emotions such that damage they do not cause

I decide that next time I feel this way, I would pause

And take a break, but alas- life does not wait

For my mood to improve, I find myself in the same state

Month after month, year after year

I battle depression for a few days, I fear

Each time that the fog would not lift at all

And in a permanent depression I would fall

*

I know women have been ridiculed throughout

For being hormonal creatures, existing without

A well-functioning reasonable mind

Why is it that every month many of us find

Ourselves to be in a deep dark place

That is difficult to explain and harder to face…

*

I keep hoping next month lucky I would be

And sail through that time uneventfully…

The world may applaud you, the world may not

You wonder if you are as good as you thought

Yourself to be, though you have much confidence

In your abilities, in your defense

Doubt creeps up when no one around you

Seems to acknowledge your value

Your growing bubble blown on self-confidence so far

Bursts, and you wonder if your performance has been subpar

You look around, try to be as objective as you can be

About your talent, and quite honestly

There are people with much more to offer, it’s true

But in quality of work, many do not match you

They are admired much more than you have ever been

You wonder how your talent remains unseen

*

Then you complete a project, of yourself you are proud

“Well-done,” your inner voice calls out to you loud

You admire your finished work, you are oblivious

You know this is good, to look for compliments is frivolous

I was following a relatively heated discussion on an online forum of highly educated mothers regarding dress codes at school. While I am personally not against some form of a dress code at school, the current rules are arbitrary and discriminatory towards girls. Here I have tried to give voice to a teenager who feels she is not being heard when this issue is debated.

Who is going to tell me what to wear

To have a dress code at school is unfair

To me, because I am a girl, they target me

Tell me to dress more modestly

Then my mother tells me not to measure

My self-worth by my clothes, wear what gives me pleasure

Frankly, I must say I am confused by the messages mixed

My voice seems ignored either way, and that needs to be fixed

**

I don’t see boys reprimanded for their clothing choice

But then they don’t really make revealing clothes for boys

I like to look and feel nice, but I don’t know

If spaghetti straps and short shorts are the way to go

When schools and parents fight about codes in dress

They take extreme positions that do not address

The judgment from different sources that girls have to face

Regarding (in)appropriate clothing, in each setting and place

My clothing is a form of self-expression

It should not become an instrument of repression

I don’t mind following some rules for dress

(Honestly then I’d think about daily outfits a bit less)

But they should be gender-neutral and equitable

Give room for interpretation, and enable

Students with different body structures or different cultures

To not feel singled out or pressurized to conform

To some arbitrary “standard” or norm..

**

We are there in school to learn, of course

Therefore it is harmful when we are forced

To miss classes to change clothing deemed inappropriate

You embarrass a girl in the worst possible way when you berate

Her for her body, her clothes so publicly

She is not responsible for how her body others see

**

Let no one’s misguided misogyny

Detract us from who we want to be

From school to beach handball- girls and women

Are challenging sexist dress codes set by men

Not against rules but we fight against discrimination

Against our harmful and unnecessary objectification

Unfortunately there exists a bias against women in the treatment of pain in the healthcare setting. It has been noted across the spectrum of both acute and chronic pain conditions that pain in women is often under-treated, and especially so in women of color. The reasons behind this are multifactorial including deep-seated beliefs that women should have a higher tolerance for pain and the popular perception of the histrionic woman who is overstating her pain. This poem is an attempt to give voice to a (woman) patient in excruciating pain after surgery trying to get some relief. I work in the healthcare system and I am definitely not endorsing indiscriminate use of opioids, but pain needs to be treated regardless of gender and ethnicity.

Do I have any prior history

Of using pain medication, do you see

My drug testing that I was made to do

At admission, was negative too

I am in pain excruciating

And I have been patiently waiting

For you to eventually in my room appear

So I may ask for pain medication, though I fear

I am going to get a measly acetaminophen

That, I believe, is not really meant

For pain as severe as I feel now

If it was not bad, I would not have allowed

Myself to take pain-killers of any kind

Right now the pain is making me lose my mind

*

I understand many pain medications are addictive, I do

I’ve had surgery, my pain makes mobilization difficult too

I grimace, say my pain is at a number ten

But I feel like my reply does not register even

I am not questioning the expertise of my medical team

But my pain is trivialized, it does seem

It broke my heart yesterday

When I overheard someone say

That I was a “pain-medication-seeking” patient

That is certainly not my intent

If there is any way to relieve my pain

With medication or otherwise, I would take that again

You know I am not progressing as I should be

Because I am in severe pain constantly

*

Exhaustion is taking over me, and I hope I find

Some relief in sleep, uninterrupted, if fate is kind..

Where is my mind, not in the here and now

Why does it wander, why does it not allow

Complete immersion in the task before me

Why am I distracted so easily?

Multitasking is what I think I do

Honestly, that is simply not true

In trying to attend to multiple things together

I pay attention to nothing whatsoever

My stressed out mind in a time-crunch always

Wants to be efficient, instead my days

Are spent in a fugue of some kind

Nothing seems to really impact my mind

While trying to be mindful, I am anything but

To multiple distractions, my mind I cannot shut

*

Sometimes I wonder how much more productive

Would I be if undivided attention I could give

To the task before me, everything else ignore..

I should start with ignoring my greed for more

The punishment seems to be never-ending

The coronavirus is not breaking, just bending

The biggest shape-shifter around

The mutating virus takes the crown

For creating upheaval to an extent not previously seen

The world wars, cold war, plague, Spanish flu have been

Overshadowed by the noise coronavirus had generated

Humankind is smarter than before, but the virus cannot be underestimated

Evading treatments, and trying to escape

Efficacious vaccines, transforming the landscape

Of travel, business, social interactions and more

Even a world that looks different than before

Cannot keep up with the mutating virus devious

Each version smarter at propagation than the previous

*

How the pandemic will end, and when, we don’t know

It seems the virus is determined to show

Our limitations as human beings on the earth

To demonstrate what a submicroscopic organism is worth

Market yourself well, you have been told

Spread the word, be assertive, be bold

For what use is your talent if it remains hidden

Tooting your own horn is not forbidden

The one who succeeds in this world fiercely competitive

Is the one with the loudest voice, being talented alone does not give

You the kind of appreciation you deserve

Until the world has had a chance to observe

The extent of your skill, to praise and criticize

In equal measure- both serve to emphasize

That your talent is worth noticing, being talked about

Criticism helps you hone your craft too, no doubt

*

You argue, however, that your art

Is a medium to express what’s close to your heart

On your expression you want free reign

You know you do not want to constrain

Your freedom of expression to please anyone around

Your art just brings you satisfaction profound

That you do not want to compromise

By looking for fame, or ways to monetize

You are an introvert, and to publicize and go out there

Is something for which you do not think you have the flair

You do admit that sometimes you would like to

Get noticed and recognized for your talent too

But you want to leave it up to your destiny

The recognition will come if it is meant to be

*

So in solitude you continue to toil away

Not caring if applause ever comes your way..

Writing is meditative

Writing is speculative

The flow of words before me

Is for my restless mind a remedy

A way by which my roving thoughts

To focus on a single idea are brought

To examine, introspect and create

I enter an exalted state

Of complete concentration

Through multiple iterations

Goes the entire process

As I let my writing possess

Every fiber of my thinking mind

Amid words, catharsis I find

I floated through life unmoored, my soul,

Fragmented, broken, in a quest to be whole,

Restless and weary, tried to traverse

The length and breadth of the universe

Looking for succor through experiences

Variegated, trying to appease my senses

My perturbed soul made me explore

Unfamiliar music, food, languages and more

Trying to find solace in exploits new

Thinking that knowledge would come to my rescue

While novel experiences my intellectual appetite satiated

The disquietude of my soul never abated

*

The eureka moments in life happen

I believe, in serendipitous fashion

As happened on a perfectly ordinary day

When I chanced upon a temple on my way

Where I heard Vedic chants, I was mesmerized

I walked inside the prayer hall, my mind hypnotized

From my roots somehow far I had strayed

In ritualistic ways, for years I had not prayed

But a deep-seated memory came to the surface

And I chanted along, syllables and words falling into place

A sense of calm descended over me as we progressed

My soul no longer appeared as distressed..

In the midst of rapturous chanting I had an epiphany

“You’ve returned home,” my soul whispered to me

*

The answer for which I had searched low and high

Was in the spiritual tradition of my past, before my eye

It fascinates me to know how mankind

Has had complex questions on its mind

From time immemorial- our ancestors wondered about

The origin of the universe, of life, without

Having the scientific tools we now possess

But boundless imagination they could access

Vividly imagined, with myriad versions

Passed down centuries through oral traditions

I wonder how those ancient women and men

Exercised their imagination, staring at the heavens..

*

In the Vedic tradition, first there was darkness everywhere

Then the self-manifested Being became aware

Created primordial waters, established seed of creation

Into the Golden Womb underwent the seed transformation

The Being (consciousness) entered the womb (of light)

The universe began, dispelling the darkness of night

*

For Greeks, the cosmic Orphic egg gave birth

To the deity Phanes, the egg split to create heaven and earth

Phanes gave rise to all other gods and the universe began

To function as intended, for the gods and man

*

The Big Bang theory is widely accepted as true

Based on scientific evidence, it does seem to

Be an explanation plausible, but no one witnessed

The beginning of the universe, we remain as obsessed

With exploring our origins as our ancestors had been

We use science and imagination to create a scenario unseen..

NaBloPoMo 2021

How do you cultivate patience when you happen to be

A type A, go-getter, always-in-a-hurry kind of personality

When people do not catch up to your speed

When you have to wait to fulfill your need

How do you maintain calm and take things in your stride

How do you stop yourself from seething inside

This is a question to which I am trying to find

Answers that are realistic for my racing mind..

*

I know it starts with adequate sleep

(A promise I make to myself and cannot keep)

Adequate hydration and nourishing meals

Are next in line to keep one even-keel

A work-life balance which appears reasonable

Is imperative but frequently, not attainable

Developing a hobby, practicing mindfulness

Can help develop patience for times of duress

Spending time alone to daydream

(Which often a waste of productivity does seem)

Can help one get centered and be patient

All these strategies help to some extent..

*

The most important way to have a patient attitude

Is, by far, to live life with a feeling of gratitude

To be reminded that each day is a gift

To experience life, to improve and uplift

Even when sleep, food, leisure time fall short

Channeling gratitude in a sticky situation often helps me abort

The impatience that threatens to escalate

It helps me get to a much calmer state

*

I am an impatient person, and I won’t lie

To be patient, harder I have to try

Small improvements with daily practice come

Eventually I hope a patient human being I become

NaBloPoMo 2021

Water your grass but do not compare

With the grass in your neighbor’s yard, beware

Greener it would always appear

And you would always live with the fear

That you are not doing something right

As long as you keep the neighbor’s yard in sight

*

You thought with your life you were content

To change things around was not your intent

Until your friend’s lifestyle you saw

The glitter you perceived filled you with awe

Suddenly your home and your life lost their luster

Before their opulence your lifestyle did not pass muster

And so the seeds of discontent were sown

No longer enough was what you did own

*

Comparison robs you of joy, they say

Away from comparison it is best to stay

Take in what others have, admire what we see

On the surface, without knowing the reality

Even if we cultivate our grass with utmost care

Our grass would not be green enough if we compare..