Passion…unbridled

Frazzled is the word that most accurately

Defines me at home most days, unfortunately

All the focus that into my work I channel

Once I reach home, simply starts to unravel

Demands of housework, never-ending series of chores

My child asking for help with school projects and more

Dinner and clean-up, bedtime stories all vie

For my limited time and attention, I would not lie

That I often feel overwhelmed and annoyed

When I feel that way, any serious discussion I avoid

Too little time for all that I have to do

Starts affecting my sanity too

*

To the evening mayhem before I return

I try to center myself so that I do not burn

Myself out trying to work at a frantic pace

I give myself some time and space

All alone, before my car I exit

Think and reflect, the urge I resist

To dash out of the car and straight inside

Most days I accomplish it, I say that with pride

Taking a few minutes to simply idle away

Is my meditation, that I practice day after day

When I see my family, less frazzled I feel

With simultaneous stressors, much better I feel

Google did its annual trend reveal

In 2021 people searched for “how to heal”

More than anything else because

The pandemic ravaged without a pause

Discouraged, exhausted, hopeless often

Sometimes in body, sometimes in spirit broken

We grasped on to wispy straws of hope

We looked for rays of positivity to help us cope

In yet another unpredictable year

Where hope stayed in a constant battle with fear..

*

The world is an interconnected place

We all are hurting, all of us have faced

Devastation unleashed by the pandemic in some way

We need to heal together, we need it today

I hope in lending each other a helping hand

We find redemption- we help each other stand

Someone composed a song, and I happened to listen

To that song at a moment in time chosen

By fate such that my melancholic disposition that day

Resonated perfectly with the timber of the song in every way

The lyrics, the music, the haunting melodious voice

Struck a chord deep, leaving my eyes moist

Soul-stirring is how I would describe the effect

The song had on me, I did not expect

That a work of art could leave me spellbound

It was a transcendental experience profound

Since then many times I have heard the song

Without knowing how to sing, I can still sing along

Each time it is a salve for my hurting soul

Each time it makes my broken spirit whole

*

One day I found to my dismay

That despite the accolades that had come his way

The songwriter /composer had lived a life of penury nonetheless

Faced financial hardships throughout and died penniless..

His artist’s soul did not know how to sell

His art to put food on the table, therefore he fell..

*

How do you attach a value to such art?

For me it was priceless, it warmed my despondent heart

His songs stirred millions of souls everywhere

That he lived in poverty was outrageously unfair

True art is precious, to be celebrated

Gifted artists need to be venerated

And recognized for the value they bring

To the world- because a beautiful thing

Remains a joy forever, we know

Let artists thrive, let their art grow..

There are times when work overwhelming appears

My patients are sick, and I constantly fear

That in taking care of patients too many with complex conditions

I would miss something crucial, fail to pay attention

When my bandwidth is stretched in every direction

My brain hardwired by training to strive for perfection

Can function no longer at the level highest

I try not to lower standards but despite attempts best

To aim for perfection in every facet of the work I do

I inadvertently overlook a few things, it’s true..

*

Sometimes that inattentive moment

Comes back to bite me, and torment

The perfectionist in me, I deepen my resolve

To pay more attention each time, I want to evolve

In to a person capable of aiming for the bull’s eye

Ignoring the noise around me such that I

Can focus on one task after another in a way

That I give my best to each patient, each day

I want to not let the sum of complexities daunt me

I want to break every problem into its components, simply

*

We are life-long learners, in medicine especially so

We strive for perfection, we strive to grow

The stakes are much higher when with life and death we deal

So we judge ourselves harshly, discouraged we feel

When we cannot meet our own expectations

For me, this is the best and the worst part of our profession

You love your children, you don’t want to deny

Anything they desire, you have the means, so why

Should you not fulfill every demand of theirs

They must know they are loved, their parents care

For their well-being, for their happiness

You want the moon and stars for them, no less

You explain that their demands are not unreasonable

You rationalize their wants as needs whenever you are able

You are selfless parents, willing to give up at once

Your own needs to satisfy the wants of your little ones

**

Your child is now an adult, fully grown

Who needs to navigate the world on his own

Unfortunately he has grown up without having learnt

That “no” is a complete answer, he has now been burnt

By facing rejection for the first time that he can recall

He feels devastated, not knowing this is universal after all

Most people you meet are not going to do what you say

No one in this world, all the time, gets his way..

You try to explain to him that this is the way

The world works, but he fees despondent anyway

**

You look back at your parenting style and wonder

If fulfilling every demand of your child was a blunder

Sooner or later each one of us has to hear a “No”

For an answer, we just have to forego

That person, or thing, or opportunity

Understanding this is a key to being happy

To say no sometimes as parents is important to learn

The temporary disappointment may pay off in the long run..

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is known to affect ~5% of women in the week or so prior to their period. It is characterized by severe irritability, depression or anxiety that improves 2-3 days after the period starts, and may need treatment in severe cases. This poem highlights how someone with PMDD might feel.

I feel exhausted and emotionally drained

The will to do anything has waned

I don’t want to engage with anyone today

I’ll curl up in my cocoon till the blues go away

My body aches, inside I feel numb

There is profound sadness to which I succumb

Like I have done every month for so many years

This is the time of the month that I fear

The rest of the month fairly reasonable am I

But depression just seems to rain on me from the sky

As the cycle of my body enters this phase

I morph into someone else, transformed by my craze

I keep this a closely guarded secret

But often end up behaving in a way I regret

In the next day or two, in embarrassment I reflect

On what I did, and resolve that next month I would deflect

My emotions such that damage they do not cause

I decide that next time I feel this way, I would pause

And take a break, but alas- life does not wait

For my mood to improve, I find myself in the same state

Month after month, year after year

I battle depression for a few days, I fear

Each time that the fog would not lift at all

And in a permanent depression I would fall

*

I know women have been ridiculed throughout

For being hormonal creatures, existing without

A well-functioning reasonable mind

Why is it that every month many of us find

Ourselves to be in a deep dark place

That is difficult to explain and harder to face…

*

I keep hoping next month lucky I would be

And sail through that time uneventfully…

The world may applaud you, the world may not

You wonder if you are as good as you thought

Yourself to be, though you have much confidence

In your abilities, in your defense

Doubt creeps up when no one around you

Seems to acknowledge your value

Your growing bubble blown on self-confidence so far

Bursts, and you wonder if your performance has been subpar

You look around, try to be as objective as you can be

About your talent, and quite honestly

There are people with much more to offer, it’s true

But in quality of work, many do not match you

They are admired much more than you have ever been

You wonder how your talent remains unseen

*

Then you complete a project, of yourself you are proud

“Well-done,” your inner voice calls out to you loud

You admire your finished work, you are oblivious

You know this is good, to look for compliments is frivolous

I was following a relatively heated discussion on an online forum of highly educated mothers regarding dress codes at school. While I am personally not against some form of a dress code at school, the current rules are arbitrary and discriminatory towards girls. Here I have tried to give voice to a teenager who feels she is not being heard when this issue is debated.

Who is going to tell me what to wear

To have a dress code at school is unfair

To me, because I am a girl, they target me

Tell me to dress more modestly

Then my mother tells me not to measure

My self-worth by my clothes, wear what gives me pleasure

Frankly, I must say I am confused by the messages mixed

My voice seems ignored either way, and that needs to be fixed

**

I don’t see boys reprimanded for their clothing choice

But then they don’t really make revealing clothes for boys

I like to look and feel nice, but I don’t know

If spaghetti straps and short shorts are the way to go

When schools and parents fight about codes in dress

They take extreme positions that do not address

The judgment from different sources that girls have to face

Regarding (in)appropriate clothing, in each setting and place

My clothing is a form of self-expression

It should not become an instrument of repression

I don’t mind following some rules for dress

(Honestly then I’d think about daily outfits a bit less)

But they should be gender-neutral and equitable

Give room for interpretation, and enable

Students with different body structures or different cultures

To not feel singled out or pressurized to conform

To some arbitrary “standard” or norm..

**

We are there in school to learn, of course

Therefore it is harmful when we are forced

To miss classes to change clothing deemed inappropriate

You embarrass a girl in the worst possible way when you berate

Her for her body, her clothes so publicly

She is not responsible for how her body others see

**

Let no one’s misguided misogyny

Detract us from who we want to be

From school to beach handball- girls and women

Are challenging sexist dress codes set by men

Not against rules but we fight against discrimination

Against our harmful and unnecessary objectification

Unfortunately there exists a bias against women in the treatment of pain in the healthcare setting. It has been noted across the spectrum of both acute and chronic pain conditions that pain in women is often under-treated, and especially so in women of color. The reasons behind this are multifactorial including deep-seated beliefs that women should have a higher tolerance for pain and the popular perception of the histrionic woman who is overstating her pain. This poem is an attempt to give voice to a (woman) patient in excruciating pain after surgery trying to get some relief. I work in the healthcare system and I am definitely not endorsing indiscriminate use of opioids, but pain needs to be treated regardless of gender and ethnicity.

Do I have any prior history

Of using pain medication, do you see

My drug testing that I was made to do

At admission, was negative too

I am in pain excruciating

And I have been patiently waiting

For you to eventually in my room appear

So I may ask for pain medication, though I fear

I am going to get a measly acetaminophen

That, I believe, is not really meant

For pain as severe as I feel now

If it was not bad, I would not have allowed

Myself to take pain-killers of any kind

Right now the pain is making me lose my mind

*

I understand many pain medications are addictive, I do

I’ve had surgery, my pain makes mobilization difficult too

I grimace, say my pain is at a number ten

But I feel like my reply does not register even

I am not questioning the expertise of my medical team

But my pain is trivialized, it does seem

It broke my heart yesterday

When I overheard someone say

That I was a “pain-medication-seeking” patient

That is certainly not my intent

If there is any way to relieve my pain

With medication or otherwise, I would take that again

You know I am not progressing as I should be

Because I am in severe pain constantly

*

Exhaustion is taking over me, and I hope I find

Some relief in sleep, uninterrupted, if fate is kind..

Where is my mind, not in the here and now

Why does it wander, why does it not allow

Complete immersion in the task before me

Why am I distracted so easily?

Multitasking is what I think I do

Honestly, that is simply not true

In trying to attend to multiple things together

I pay attention to nothing whatsoever

My stressed out mind in a time-crunch always

Wants to be efficient, instead my days

Are spent in a fugue of some kind

Nothing seems to really impact my mind

While trying to be mindful, I am anything but

To multiple distractions, my mind I cannot shut

*

Sometimes I wonder how much more productive

Would I be if undivided attention I could give

To the task before me, everything else ignore..

I should start with ignoring my greed for more

The punishment seems to be never-ending

The coronavirus is not breaking, just bending

The biggest shape-shifter around

The mutating virus takes the crown

For creating upheaval to an extent not previously seen

The world wars, cold war, plague, Spanish flu have been

Overshadowed by the noise coronavirus had generated

Humankind is smarter than before, but the virus cannot be underestimated

Evading treatments, and trying to escape

Efficacious vaccines, transforming the landscape

Of travel, business, social interactions and more

Even a world that looks different than before

Cannot keep up with the mutating virus devious

Each version smarter at propagation than the previous

*

How the pandemic will end, and when, we don’t know

It seems the virus is determined to show

Our limitations as human beings on the earth

To demonstrate what a submicroscopic organism is worth

Market yourself well, you have been told

Spread the word, be assertive, be bold

For what use is your talent if it remains hidden

Tooting your own horn is not forbidden

The one who succeeds in this world fiercely competitive

Is the one with the loudest voice, being talented alone does not give

You the kind of appreciation you deserve

Until the world has had a chance to observe

The extent of your skill, to praise and criticize

In equal measure- both serve to emphasize

That your talent is worth noticing, being talked about

Criticism helps you hone your craft too, no doubt

*

You argue, however, that your art

Is a medium to express what’s close to your heart

On your expression you want free reign

You know you do not want to constrain

Your freedom of expression to please anyone around

Your art just brings you satisfaction profound

That you do not want to compromise

By looking for fame, or ways to monetize

You are an introvert, and to publicize and go out there

Is something for which you do not think you have the flair

You do admit that sometimes you would like to

Get noticed and recognized for your talent too

But you want to leave it up to your destiny

The recognition will come if it is meant to be

*

So in solitude you continue to toil away

Not caring if applause ever comes your way..