Passion…unbridled

Stay at home and shelter in place-

How do you follow this advice when you face

Lack of a solid roof over your head

When home is a makeshift shelter instead?

**

We had already tempted fate by staying alive

We had learnt to be grateful, having survived

Civil war, strife, journeys with dangers fraught

To live precariously, ourselves we had taught

**

In camps with conditions less than ideal we stay

Relying on the strength of human connections every day

When the piercing wind chills our bones at night

The warmth of our loved ones gives us respite

Resources are scarce; the little we have we share

Truth be told, we exist because for each other we care..

**

This virus is coming, to add, I must say

Insult to injury for us in every way

Being refugees has left us in a state

Where it is impossible to separate

The advice to wash hands often is futile

There is no running water around for miles…

**

Fear of disease spread grips me, but then

I realize that compared to most women and men

We are already a group selected by fate

Being resilient is probably our quality innate

We have weathered many storms and stayed alive

God willing,  this trial by fire we shall survive..

 

(Image source: https://www.thenewhumanitarian.org/feature/2020/04/21/Lebanon-coronavirus-refugee-healthcare: Ali Hashisho/REUTERS)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My precious child, in you I see

The vivacious child I used to be

Your ebullience and curiosity

Are reminders of the younger me

You have a spring in your step and hope in your eyes

You are carefree- I am cautious and worldly-wise

When did I stop being like you, I wonder

Was growing up to be an adult but a blunder?

**

You teach me valuable lessons, you remind me

Of how little is needed to be content and carefree

As I marvel at you, fear grips me suddenly

What if you grow up to be just like me?

What if you start listening to the noise around

What if you find your inner voice drowned?

**

As I say this I also realize

I’m probably teaching you to see the world with my eyes

My unrealized dreams, my insecurities- I fear

Might percolate into your conscience, my dear

The thought terrifies me I confess

My inner conflict should be for me alone to process…

**

You will probably end up imbibing more

From me than I want, thus I need to make sure

The inner dialogue that runs through my mind

Remains here, your inner voice does not find..

To do that; I think, while you learn from me

I should learn from you simultaneously-

To live in the moment, live without pretense

To do what the heart desires, with confidence

That things will turn out all right in the end

And probably even better than we intend..

 

Freedom these days is a word that incites

Anger, concern, despair- it is a fundamental right

And in the face of a challenge never before seen

The operational word suddenly is quarantine…

**

While personal liberties restricted appear

I, paradoxically, feel free amid this fear

As the world grapples with illness and death

As millions struggle to catch their breaths

The weight of expectations that I was supposed to carry

Has been lifted, therefore I feel free

**

Social obligations that felt burdensome 

No longer exist- though missed by some,

Make an introvert like me less stressed

There is no pressure to be well-dressed

Or to societal standards of beauty try to conform

With more time on hand I can perform

My work more efficiently, it is true

With more time at hand, a lot more I can do

Freedom of time- a luxury once craved by me

I have found, albeit temporarily

I am free to think, to ponder, to dream

Something that until recently did difficult seem..

In a world united by a common fight

There’s no one to impress, no need to prove myself right

My authentic self I have discovered again

This social isolation has led to personal gain

**

When the nightmare ends, life will be

Definitely altered irrevocably

When social distancing goes away

And the freedom of movement comes our way

I hope to carry some lessons forward

The things I’ve realized during this period-

The weight of expectations from the society

Is only burdensome if you let it be

I hope in the future I shall stay

As free in spirit as I am today..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never imagined a worldwide catastrophe would be the cause

Behind my accelerated life stepping on brakes; taking a pause….

**

I hurtled through life in a frenzied spiral of chaos

Overscheduled, overstimulated, but always at a loss

To comprehend where time seemed to fly

I was always left wondering why

I constantly felt I was not measuring up

Half-empty always stayed my cup..

**

My fast-paced life was a combination

Of societal norms and my own ambition

The pressure to perform was deeply drilled

Every waking minute of my life had to be filled

With activity of some sort, perceived as constructive

Sleep was optional, it interfered with being productive

**

Then the tsunami hit us in an unprecedented way

Social distancing became the motto of the day

With avenues for travel and entertainment depleted

Even in the midst of crippling fear deep-seated

I found myself in the possession of a luxury rare

I had more time for myself, more time to share

Precious moments with my family than ever before

The forced confinement shook my outlook to the core..

**

Even with a constant undercurrent of fear these days

My life has improved significantly in many ways

The pace has slowed down, priorities have acquired

The kind of clarity that I have always desired

The devastating pandemic has brought in sharp relief

The truly important things, shattering my beliefs

The need to slow down, I had recognized deep inside 

Now I have executed it, I say that with pride..

**

When the pandemic is over I hope I stay

True to the principles I learnt along this way..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Anthropocene: the current geological age, viewed as the period during which human activity has been the dominant influence on climate and the environment.)

We had created the anthropocene

Become oblivious of threats unseen

Things dangerous, we thought, could only be

Products of human ingenuity

We did pay quite a bit of attention

To the devastating power of nuclear weapons

Lofty beings that we considered ourselves to be

We pondered over differences in ideology

When climate change created ripples in our lives

We were still confident in our ability to survive…

**

In our collective self-centeredness, we thought

To the rest of the living world, vulnerable we were not

Humankind was not prepared for the day

When the smallest living particle, lacking its own DNA

Would rule the world, bringing our lives to a standstill

Spreading fear far greater than a tyrant could instil

At first we found it difficult to comprehend

The magnitude of the threat, we were so confident

That an infectious disease in the twenty-first century

Could not disrupt our lives, epidemics were history..

**

We are learning to modify our behavior

To the vagaries of the virus, our current master

We’ve traveled back in time, through many a century

When mortals feared nature unleashing its fury

This virus crept up on us insidiously

Laying bare our dormant vulnerability

**

Yet, we are living in the anthropocene

And while the future remains unseen

With our ingenious minds working in overdrive

We have launched a war in order to survive

Many pestilences we have endured

Many fatal diseases we have cured

Eventual victory we shall claim

But our lives won’t remain the same…

**

When the war is fought and won

To the drawing board we shall need to return 

And redesign our lives, cognizant

Of the profound value of our environment.

 

(Image source: The Roanoke Times)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this pandemic while we lose much..

I am mourning the loss of human touch

**

Never thought a day would arrive

When in a collective attempt to survive

The most basic human need in times of distress

Would become so conflicting to address…

**

The first instinct when things are not right

Is to hug our loved ones tight

Yet counter to where our instincts go

Staying away is how love we show

Deathly terrified of the virus we stay

A minimum of six feet away

From  our loved ones, afraid of transmission

However painful, it is the right decision

When we work in minefields each day

Stepping on mines inevitably comes our way

Going to work fills us with unprecedented fear

Made worse without contact with those we hold dear

**

As a physician, the immense power of touch

Can hardly be exaggerated much

Physical examination, considered the holy grail

Of the practice of medicine- no longer does prevail

By electronic devices we now communicate

Who knew medicine would be in this state

And when sick patients we touch to provide care

Under layers of protective gear, the connection simply isn’t there

Extending a hand to comfort someone in pain

Has been sacrificed at the altar of the virus again

**

Nostalgic for old days, mourning the inability

To touch, I bring my palms together in humility

And pray fervently to the powers divine

That one day, soon, human touch will be fine..

(Image source: https://images.app.goo.gl/iPnkYjbyQ3bN2YSv5)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are trying times, and health care workers are afraid as they try to navigate their personal and professional lives in the face of shortage of personal protective equipment, especially in the United States. This is an attempt to give a voice to all the physicians on the front lines..

Many times in my life had I been afraid

Worried sick, my emotions swayed

By fear of the unknown that I had allowed

To take hold of me, somehow…

I thought I understood fear

I did not though, now it is clear

*

Never in my life have I before

Felt fear that shook me to the core

This is fear at a completely different level

This is fear so feral, so primeval

Fear of the unknown, like a dark cloud

Threatening to envelop like a shroud

There’s no one to turn to, answers there are none

And the apocalyptic nightmare has just begun!

*

I was going through life with the thought

That working in healthcare a special fulfillment brought

I knew occupational hazards did exist

Yet most infectious agents I would comfortably resist

Never did I imagine that my source of pride

Would be replaced by constant fear by my side…

*

This fear is multidimensional, which is why

To try to understand it completely I

Am at a loss- besides the obvious fear of illness

And death- I have that additional fear to address

That if I work with complete dedication

I place my family and patients in a perilous situation…

Who do I protect first- this has become

A morbid riddle, an unsolvable conundrum

I am still learning to be torn apart

As I distance myself from those near to my heart

*

Fear envelops me, as I contemplate

The impossible decisions of deciding the fate

Of patients based on criteria that in better days

Would be considered discriminatory in criminal ways

My medical training had not equipped me to

Play God (or the Devil?) as I might be required to do..

*

With fearful thoughts raging through my mind

I try to trick myself to fall asleep, I remind

Myself that sleep is necessary to ensure

My immunity works and I can endure

Working in these times dystopian

Putting on a brave front as a physician

Yet the only action that my fear alleviates

Is acquiring knowledge, therefore I educate

Myself on the disease- feeling hopeful each time I read

About any promising treatment indeed…

I did not intend, nor do I care

To be called a superhero- to be fair

I am not one, so I should not be expected

To stay well without being protected

There is one fear I can allay-

If I get protective equipment, I can say

I am there for the sick, as I am required to do

Without feeling like a sacrificial lamb too…

*

I am afraid, and at the end of the day

I close my eyes, and simply pray…

Someday I’ll talk about a cataclysmic

Event that changed the world, a pandemic

A virus swept the world by storm

Fear over its spread became the norm

In terms of social media trends

The “crown” it took for days on end

Spread like lightning, helped by the conveniences

Of modern day travel- breaking all defences

Lives it claimed, and economies too

Each day created panic anew…

 

*

While all this is happening today

I hope I’d remember the pandemic in a different way-

Survivors would survive, hysteria would die down

But I hope there would remain a positive legacy to this “crown”-

In a decade that had begun sharply polarized

Coronavirus would be remembered as the medium that made us realize

That health and illness do not discriminate

On the basis of politics, religion, country or state

I hope that 2020 would go down in history

As the year that united every country

Because all the differences that the world had to face

Paled in front of this massive menace

I hope one day I would talk about how the world

Came together, and a war on the virus unfurled..

 

*

Call me a fantasist, but I hope for change radical

And I believe this pandemic might be the vehicle

For us to take a step back and evaluate

The mindless consumerism that has been our state

Temporary restrictions on mobility

Might make us reevaluate and see

All the things that we consume versus all the things that we need

This would be the time to learn how to live sustainably indeed

 

*

Someday I hope I would remember

The year 2020 as a defining year

When a virus by causing a pandemic

Ripped apart our world’s flimsy fabric

And forced us to redesign our lives

In a better way, that let humanity thrive

 

(Corona means “crown”)

Privilege is a loaded word

Often in discussions heard

Just by virtue of being mentioned

This word creates a division

Between the haves and the have-nots

Separates people into two lots…

**

On self-examination, however, it is hard

To know of which group you are a part

Privilege is a moving target, it appears

As the social ladder climbed by you or your peers

Especially, how do you judge if privilege extends

To the ones you love most, your previous children?

*

A group of parents professionally well- qualified

Was asked if as privileged they identified

Their children- and if so, was this in some way

A negative thing that could their upbringing sway

Into a lack of drive, boredom and a sense of entitlement-

Of course the question raised powerful sentiments

*

The question made me pause and think

Are privilege (or lack of) and strength of character linked?

We work hard to provide our children all comforts material

But do we make them too weak to face the world real?

Their success we ardently desire

Yet sometimes our efforts backfire

*

Like everything else in parenting there must be

A sweet spot, a middle ground, definitely

Where privilege and deprivation collide

And children have interactions on each side

That Holy Grail I shall try to find

So that my child grows up sensible and kind….

*

The mantra should be to live with a humble attitude

And accept privilege with gratitude…

I started an artistic endeavor merely

To scratch an itch of creativity

I had no definite plans to share

What was actually my heart laid bare

With anyone- yet I got roped in

To participate in a talent show kind of thing

The unexpected appreciation it received

Catapulted me into a different sphere indeed

Fortunate I was that my art

Got notice this week, I got a roaring start…

**

Success as an artist comes only to few

Passion aside, luck has to be on your side too

Bewildered I was, a bit, I must confess

And frankly afraid of the transience of the success

So I poured myself into my art in every way

To prove to myself first that I was there to stay

My artistic voice was fresh, my perspective unique

My art was good material for discussion and critique

Each artistic piece outshone the previous one

In public imagination, a place I had won

**

I had never thought my art would become

Not just the main, but my only source of income

Ah- art and commerce well do not jibe

(No wonder artists are a penurious tribe)

The pressure I therefore felt to produce art

Took a toll on my artistic heart

My creations became more formulaic

My art descended from exotic to prosaic

For a while it worked, because I could still satiate

The taste of my audience, but it was a temporary state

But that unique artistic voice I had before

Had become vulgate, it was interesting no more

Critics did not spare me, finances dwindled too

Finally I realized taking a break was what I needed to do

**

I let my mind wander, I looked around

I let myself be inspired, and then I found-

Free from expectations, that magic again

That deliberate break did not go in vain

I was back in form with a fresh perspective

Those moments of exhilaration I got to relive..

**

These cycles come and go, I am familiar now

With creative ups and downs, I do not allow

The highs or lows to affect me as I once did

I go along with the flow of my art instead…

I had this perception of identity

That it was a finite, solid entity-

With a quality tangible, definite

Something that would in a neat box fit..

**

So growing up I never thought

Finding my identity would be fraught

With ambiguity, uncertainty, confusion

Was the firmness of identity but an illusion?

**

I struggled with the idea that my identity

Was a reflection of my outward personality

But then, how could my identity be defined

Without invoking the recesses of my mind?

**

So I tried to delve within my soul

To find the pieces that made me whole

It seemed the values that I held dear

Shaped my identity’s nebulous sphere..

**

I came to realize that wrapped around the core

Were layers that were fluid, layers that bore

Marks of my experiences, past and present

Experiences, both disappointing and pleasant

**

A missing part of my identity happened to be

People I respected, looked up to constantly

My mentors, role-models, those I emulated

My identity, with theirs’ was inter-related

**

The quest for my identity has taught

Me that immutable identity is not

It is fluid- a peregrination, a process

Who I am truly still eludes me, I confess…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(This poem has references to the stories of Sita from the Indian epic Ramayana, Draupadi from the Indian epic Mahabharata and Rani Padmini, who was a Queen in the modern state of Rajasthan in the 13th century. Most Indians have some familiarity with their stories.)

 

Sita

 

I was a goddess supposedly

That was not enough to let me be free

To have a voice, to be able to protest

Decisions unjust- at my husband’s behest

I had to leave my palace in a delicate state

Be banished to the forest-such was my fate

Decided by gossip his majesty overheard

I did not even have a chance to say a word

About my innocence-mind you, I had already

Walked through fire to prove my chastity

That was after months of humiliation

That I had faced in my imprisoned situation

Throughout my life decisions had been made

By the men in my life, the path for me had been laid

Goddess I might be, but the rules of patriarchy

Did not prevent me from blemish, you see

**

Draupadi

You know a colossal war was fought over me

That changed the course of Bharatvarsha’s history

My husbands fought gallantly but I must say

They had the cowardice to gamble me away

I was violated publicly, my crime had been

To make fun of Duryodhana which he had seen

As an affront to his male ego, this, in a world

Dominated by patriarchy, a monster unfurled

After the war, on our heavenward journey

I was the first to fall, bringing more humiliation to me

My sin- to one of the five, partiality I had displayed

Love was not a choice I was allowed to have made..

**

Rani Padmini

 

Little did I know what would ideally be

A positive quality would turn out for me

A death sentence-what was worse

The women of my kingdom fell with me, such was the curse

Of my beauty- that caused a battle to be fought

Tragedy struck, without our men, our lot

Was doomed- patriarchal rules were such

That honor was important, life not so much…

So we committed large-scale harakiri

This forced cowardice, ironically, is labeled bravery..

**

Modern Indian woman

 

We talk about strong women in our culture and history

Yet on closer examination you see

That their stories follow ultimately

Rules established by patriarchy

So when I fight for gender equality

I am fighting thousands of years of history

The patriarchal mindset is deeply ingrained

In both women and men- though we have gained

Some ground in addressing this issue deep-seated

Frequent crimes against women leave me feeling defeated..

We need to change mindsets, one by one

Starting with our daughters and sons