Passion…unbridled

I stare at my screen, my eyes fixated on that beautiful dress

It is simply gorgeous; I cannot help but obsess

Over how it would suit me perfectly

The silhouette just seems to be cut for me

The fabric and color are of the kind

That flatter my skin tone, if I were to make a bet blind

A hundred times over this dress would be my choice

I should buy it, but I cannot ignore the pesky voice

That tells me that even though in it I would feel pretty

Splurging on this dress would be an exercise in vanity

I immediately feel guilty about being vain

I don’t deserve to please myself- again,

I can afford it, but I must first buy stuff

For my family, because I am not a homemaker good enough

If I indulge my desires before I have thought

Of my family, before things for them I’ve bought

I reason to myself- as a working mother I do not require

Fancy outfits, or cocktail party attire..

I exit the website, try to forget about the dress

After all, there is no one I have to impress

*

Is deep-seated conditioning at work here?

When I prioritize my wants I fear

As being self-centered I would be perceived

I should take care of everyone’s needs

And expectations, only after they are satisfied

Should I fulfill the desires that I hide…

There is a problem of epidemic magnitude

Fatigue is the sneaky issue that seems to intrude

On our lives, more so than ever before

We are a generation of people who, more and more

Feel tired all the time, without an explanation

Our modern lifestyles seem to have a correlation

With overwhelming fatigue that we collectively feel

What is sapping our energy, who is there to steal

Our vibrance, vigor, strength, agility

Why are we collectively limited in our ability

To fight exhaustion despite all the conveniences around

Why are we unable to enjoy a slumber sound?

*

There, I said it, this is the elephant in the room

The fatigue that constantly over our heads looms

Is borne out of sleep that is inadequate

Sleep comes after everything else on our plate

We want to be overachievers, over multitasking we obsess

In working or browsing on our phones, we sleep less and less

With excessive screen time, our sleep quality suffers too

So we wake up not refreshed, tired to go through

Another day over-scheduled in every way

The fatigue therefore never goes away…

*

We are entrenched in a war with rest so deep

Instead of having miles to go before we sleep

To get adequate sleep before extra miles we go

Is the mantra we desperately need to follow

Celebrity-endorsed styles, instagram trends posted by influencers abound

Everyone seems to be following the same fashions around

I am tempted to get on the bandwagon too

Being conversant with latest trends is the smart thing to do

I can relate with my children, have something to talk about

In social gatherings where small talk one cannot do without

Following all the trends would make me appear

More contemporary in the social sphere

So I try new styles in fashion, food and home decor

When I feel I’m catching up, there is something more

That has caught the fancy of influencers everywhere

It’s all over the internet- I cannot stay unaware

*

It is definitely nice to indulge in fashions new

It helps me break stereotypes in my mind too

But then I notice that all around me

Stuff influenced by social media I see

What I have bought is not different

From those around me who are also on-trend

I look at all the fashionable stuff I have bought

And realize that my sensibilities it does not

Portray, while aesthetically pleasing it may be

My inner values reflected in my things I don’t see

*

I am back on the subject of authenticity

Through my words I try to reflect the true me

But in lifestyle choices I have inadvertently

Become a slave to things considered trendy

I have decided to reverse this with conscious intent

Let my food, clothing, decor the authentic me represent

It doesn’t have to be stylish or unique or make a statement

It may incorporate latest trends to some extent

But the upside of living a lifestyle that’s authentic

Is that the trends that you like you can pick

And incorporate in your life as you please

Authenticity is a lifestyle that can be practiced with ease…

I can procrastinate indefinitely

Tasks that don’t need to be done urgently

I have a running list of things to do in my mind

Things that drop to the bottom if there’s no defined

Timeline in which they are expected to be completed

It’s not important right now is the mantra I have always repeated

To delay anything that does not need to occupy

My limited time and attention, and that is why

Some projects exist only in a future mythical

I talk about, but never act on them, in my manner typical

**

As a type A individual I seem to thrive

Under pressure, all my faculties come alive

When there is a narrow deadline to meet

I want to accomplish a difficult feat

In record time I love to reach the finish line

I galvanize all my resources to align

In such a way that I am efficient and productive

Under time constraints, my entire focus to one project I can give

**

The downside of being this way seems to be

Being my own boss is more difficult for me

I have figured that self-imposed deadlines

Do not work as well for projects that are mine

I need to have someone to marvel and say-

How did you complete this task in one day?

**

I am working on a time-bound challenge as I write

Using limited time productively to my delight

Every Sunday night I wonder anew

Why is it that my list of things to do

Is never complete, enough time I can never find

To complete all tasks and still be able to unwind

The weekend is meant to recharge and rejuvenate

But a busy work week does necessitate

That the weekend is spent on household chores

There is a pressure to add recreational activities some more

All socialization occurs on weekends too

Leaving me with less and less time to do

Everything I need to, there is not enough

Time to rest, Monday mornings are tough

At the beginning of a busy week I decide to make amends

I resolve to prioritize rest the following weekend

But the same story is repeated week after week

I lower expectations each time, as some respite I seek

From an over-scheduled life where I struggle constantly

To prioritize rest and relaxation for me

*

Maybe I just need to lighten my load

Leave some things to take care of down the road

Loosen up the uptight perfectionist inside

Take every day as it comes, in my stride

But I must first make relaxation a priority

The resolve to do so has given me much clarity

To give more attention to you

To share a joke, life events too

To spend more than fifteen minutes

To not make a premature exit

From your exam room, is what I’d like to do

But I have limitations of time too

If you needed more time to provide care

I would definitely give you a greater share

Of the time that I have, but again

Small talk would be difficult to maintain..

The small talk that lends the crucial human touch

To patient-physician interaction is what I crave much

That makes you distinguishable from your disease

That makes you relaxed and more at ease

During your appointment, more engaged you can be

That translates into better compliance eventually…

*

I could not give you enough time at your visit; but I’d like to call

And go over your test results, though I often fall

Short on the time required to do so personally

I have to delegate a staff member to call you for me

Although through the patient portal you have already seen

Your test results, I wish I could tell you what they mean

In non-medical terms, provide reassurance and a plan

Again time constrains are such that I rarely can

*

Since time is limited and I have to prioritize

I have unfortunately come to realize

That I devote more time when things are not going well

Your condition needs more attention, or I have to tell

You about the poor prognosis of your illness

I selectively bring doom and gloom, I confess

If things are well and test results favorable

I rely on shortcuts to convey that you are stable

I wish I could spend equal amount of time to communicate

The good and the bad as it relates to your disease state..

(Image source: http://www.glasbergen.com)

I am a somewhat quirky nerd

Wrapped in my cocoon in this world

To be more social, I aspire

To interact with more people is my desire

*

But small talk I cannot make

Showing interest, I cannot fake

So many things I find superfluous

Or plain boring, there is much I can’t discuss

*

I think sometimes I am too cynical

At other times I am hypercritical

Unfortunately I seem to sniff out nonsense

Too quickly, I just look for substance

*

I come across as too serious, I am aware

I’m not fun to be with, I can declare

Humor seems to be wasted on me

Maybe I take everything too literally..

*

In writing this verse, I’ve realized one thing indeed

To develop a sense of humor is what I need

To connect with people, I should be less uptight

Laugh self-deprecatingly, not worry about being right

Sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously

Set myself up for failure-so cautiously

Do I proceed that every hurdle serves to distract

Me from my path, I easily get sidetracked

The forest for the trees I miss completely

The bull’s eye in the center I cannot see

I get mired in inconsequential details

In seeing the big picture I inexorably fail..

**

When I take on a project large in scope

That I would be able to prove myself, I hope

I want to do it right, I want to please everyone

Inevitably roadblocks appear as soon as I’ve begun

Some people are displeased, some feathers get ruffled

In silencing dissent, my voice often gets muffled..

**

By being burnt repeatedly I’ve had to learn this lesson

Every step of a process may not proceed with perfection

Not everyone is on board at every step of the way

You must remember the ultimate goal at the end of the day

To be flexible and forgiving, not sweating the small stuff

Is the way to accomplish goals ambitious and tough

I’m not making excuses, I admit freely

That the hardest thing in the world for me

Is to exercise, increase my physical activity

Because I seem to have an inherent proclivity

To be a couch potato, curl up with a book

To sit or lie down, I can always find a nook

I can easily exercise my eyes and my brain

But physical exercise just seems to cause pain…

*

I also admit that I take care of hearts

And in doing so, one has to start

With healthy diet and regular exercise

So if I don’t follow my own advice

It seems like a dishonest thing to do

Motivating me to make different choices too..

*

To counteract the pain of exercise I require

Something that I more keenly desire

Therefore as I get my creaky joints in motion

I read simultaneously, for a dose of my magic potion

The more engrossed I am in my book, the less

Physical discomfort I perceive, greater is my progress

If I don’t exercise, it is reading that I actually miss

Exercise may release endorphins, but books give me bliss..

*

At the end of the day, to summarize

Reading helps me in all forms of exercise

To keep myself fit in every way indeed

Outstanding books are what I need

There are times when myself I find

Narrating my life’s mundane moments in my mind

I find myself describing my day

As if I am writing a chapter, in a way

That I would talk to readers (imaginary)

In language and style I perceive as literary..

*

I do not yet have a story to tell

But there are audacious dreams that dwell

Within the depths of my innermost desires

The urge to write something burns like a fire

To craft a story spellbinding and unique

The language of a writer I want to speak

*

So inadvertently at times I find

I become a fictional person in my mind

I imagine how my life’s circumstances would look

If I were a character in a book

Alone and bored, when I daydream

My fantasies are composed of bookish themes..

*

Instead of conjuring up mere sentences, one day

I hope inspiration would come my way

And the idea for a compelling story would germinate

In my mind, until then I would patiently wait

(This poem refers to the Iranian protest anthem Baraye by Shervin Hajipour that was recently performed by the band Coldplay in Buenos Aires, Argentina and broadcast to the world).

Music is meant to feed the soul

Sometimes it expands outside this role

Becoming an instrument of social protest

A song, once sung, you cannot arrest

The freedom of singers, songwriters may be

Curbed, the protesters suppressed brutally

You cannot kill a song, you cannot obliterate

Lyrics once composed, they continue to resonate

Through the ears, hearts and souls of millions

Involved across the world in a revolution

This is powerful music, with potential to galvanize

So many, it has come to characterize

The revolution, become an anthem

For the people, to unite and energize them

*

A song was breathed into the air

It fell on ears of millions everywhere

Long, long afterward it remained

In the collective psyche of people once chained

(Image source: medyanews.net)

When I was young, not yet prone to negativity

I thought I was interesting, charismatic, witty

I had audacious plans, I thought I could

Be anyone I wanted to be, I fancied I would

Travel the world and have a life storied

The life of a multifaceted maverick I would lead..

*

Maybe I was delusional, maybe it was the influence

Of the books I had read, but I had a desire intense

To be extraordinary, be unique, and unconventional

Learning about varied topics was a habit intentional

I wanted to be someone with an opinion to express

On any topic being discussed, leave people impressed…

What is striking to me now in my non-delusional state

How overconfident I was, how highly myself I did rate!

*

Somewhere along the way, I had the painful realization

That I was squarely ordinary, and the bloated estimation

Of my abilities was completely off the mark

I was a boring introvert- that was the reality stark

With limitations on both experiences and skill

My dreams were giant shoes the real me could not fill

*

I lead a perfectly ordinary, mundane life indeed

I adventure vicariously through characters in books I read

I rarely say anything that can remotely be perceived

As interesting or intriguing, but I am relieved

To know that I do not have to try hard to maintain

An interesting persona, I can be boring and plain

****

Somewhere, though, in a corner of my mind

Is the hope that one day I would find

Myself involved in an extraordinary situation

In which my exceptional skills I would have to summon…