Passion…unbridled

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”

-Abraham Lincoln

Had heard all along but never comprehended

Take life one day at a time, this advice was intended

For people to focus on things they valued each day

This felt too sanctimonious to follow, I must say..

Planning career moves, children’s education, investments

Require looking into the future, making calculated assessments

 

**

Who knew times would change and we would be

In the thick of a pandemic, a time fraught with uncertainty

What the future holds for all of us is unknown

What we have is an unsettling present alone..

The best laid plans for this year have evaporated in thin air

Trying to think about the future only causes further despair

**

I came to the conclusion, though with some reluctance

That the only way to live through these times with some semblance

Of sanity is to take life as it comes, day by day

To be grateful for life, family and health as we pray

For a better future, built on lessons learnt

From the pandemic, for we have been burnt

By our need to plan, predict, manipulate

The vagaries of nature, to depreciate

The importance of all non-human elements

In our lives, so proud had we become of our establishments…

**

I celebrated today, tomorrow remains unseen

What a beautiful day yesterday’s tomorrow has been!

Art is not always about pretty things. It’s about who we are, what happened to us, and how our lives are affected.

– Elizabeth Broun

When fear has become the emotion dominant

When uncertainty surrounds us, omnipresent

When answers to questions do not exist

When on the narrowest sliver of hope we subsist

When physical space we find in constraint-

There is only one way out- to give free rein

To imagination, to try to get the mind and soul immersed

In art- the medium of freedom in this dystopian universe..

**

One could create, one could simply admire

Art in different forms could serve to inspire

Millions who are hurting, unable to give expression

To the swarming plethora of emotions

When ordinary language fails to convey

Innermost feelings, art provides a beautiful way

To express, and to preserve that expression

For posterity- one day there would be a compilation

For future generations to study to understand

How this pandemic changed the lay of the land…

**

Whereas science will lead us to a vaccine or a cure

For the virus itself- art, I think, will enable us to endure

The emotional burden that the pandemic has placed

On humankind as we fight a war never before faced…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had thought..

 

Since this was a crisis so large in magnitude

Spread throughout the world, affecting multitudes

The world would have no choice but to fight

The enemy as one, countries would be forced to unite

Race, religion, borders this enemy does not respect

Humankind everywhere is reeling from its cataclysmic effect

When solving this conundrum seemed to be a goal for all

Naïvely I thought- united we would stand, divided we would fall…..

 

***

I now see…

 

A world polarized, a world divided

Faith being placed in messages misguided

Finger-pointing more rampant than ever before

The Virus has exposed our differences to the core

Instead of the society being unanimously galvanized

To fight the pandemic, in an era of being hyper-globalized

We are choosing to divide ourselves by our beliefs

Trying to place blame somewhere for a false sense of relief

In this era of unprecedented connectivity

We are discovering our predilection for selectivity…

***

 

It saddens me to see the world so divided today

The clear stream of reason seems to have lost its way

Being a physician I see that the crisis we now face

Is a challenge to our species, the entire human race

This is a war, and how many wars were won

By creating internal rifts, was there even one?

By sharing research findings, experience, expertise

Through every possible medium, to treat this formidable disease-

Scientific communities are united in their fight

Humbly I suggest from them we gain insight

As societies and nations- forget our differences, forget about blame

We are all afraid, we are all hurting, we are all the same..

Thirsting for adventures is a natural state

All of us like new experiences on our plate

Time, effort and money we spend

Beyond our comfort zones ourselves we extend

To get that elusive thrill, that unparalleled elation

That sense of accomplishment, that victorious sensation

Also, since keeping up with the Joneses is a part

Of our social lives, such experiences make for a good start

Of conversation at gatherings of (frenemies)/ friends

Help us stand out while we try to blend…

***

All the experiences and adventures that were in the cards for the year

Were rudely interrupted by the spread of the virus; suddenly our spheres

Instead of expanding, shrank to a size unprecedented

Our ability to move about had never to this extent been prevented…

All the places we were supposed to go to, the “classes”we were supposed to take

Became figments of imagination, as lives and livelihoods came at stake…

***

I must admit, at the start of the year 2020

I had laid out my plans in detail, anticipating new experiences a-plenty

Like everyone else I was in for a rude shock

As access to every adventure was blocked

The adrenaline rush I had to come to rely on

Was nowhere to be found, the thrill of exploration was gone…

***

Like the rest of the world I’ve had to learn

To forego the freedom for which I yearn-

Confined to my house, I combed through

Neglected spaces and corners, that appeared new

Embarked on an adventure to redecorate-

Surprised myself at being able to rejuvenate

Spaces without buying knick-knacks new

Who would have thought this was an exciting thing to do?

Found previously unknown gems in my backyard

Camped under the stars-finding adventures suddenly did not seem hard

Adventurous were my escapades culinary

Experimenting with everything from cakes to curry..

***

Maybe this is part of a cosmic design

Maybe the universe is giving us a sign

That in our thirst for adventure, far we have strayed

From home-from the journey of life we’ve been waylaid

Home is for the soul a resting place

Home is our reflecting surface….

***

Staying home has grounded me

(Both literally and figuratively)

My restless soul that had adventures sought in places new

Is resting at home, with newly discovered equanimity too

Stay at home and shelter in place-

How do you follow this advice when you face

Lack of a solid roof over your head

When home is a makeshift shelter instead?

**

We had already tempted fate by staying alive

We had learnt to be grateful, having survived

Civil war, strife, journeys with dangers fraught

To live precariously, ourselves we had taught

**

In camps with conditions less than ideal we stay

Relying on the strength of human connections every day

When the piercing wind chills our bones at night

The warmth of our loved ones gives us respite

Resources are scarce; the little we have we share

Truth be told, we exist because for each other we care..

**

This virus is coming, to add, I must say

Insult to injury for us in every way

Being refugees has left us in a state

Where it is impossible to separate

The advice to wash hands often is futile

There is no running water around for miles…

**

Fear of disease spread grips me, but then

I realize that compared to most women and men

We are already a group selected by fate

Being resilient is probably our quality innate

We have weathered many storms and stayed alive

God willing,  this trial by fire we shall survive..

 

(Image source: https://www.thenewhumanitarian.org/feature/2020/04/21/Lebanon-coronavirus-refugee-healthcare: Ali Hashisho/REUTERS)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My precious child, in you I see

The vivacious child I used to be

Your ebullience and curiosity

Are reminders of the younger me

You have a spring in your step and hope in your eyes

You are carefree- I am cautious and worldly-wise

When did I stop being like you, I wonder

Was growing up to be an adult but a blunder?

**

You teach me valuable lessons, you remind me

Of how little is needed to be content and carefree

As I marvel at you, fear grips me suddenly

What if you grow up to be just like me?

What if you start listening to the noise around

What if you find your inner voice drowned?

**

As I say this I also realize

I’m probably teaching you to see the world with my eyes

My unrealized dreams, my insecurities- I fear

Might percolate into your conscience, my dear

The thought terrifies me I confess

My inner conflict should be for me alone to process…

**

You will probably end up imbibing more

From me than I want, thus I need to make sure

The inner dialogue that runs through my mind

Remains here, your inner voice does not find..

To do that; I think, while you learn from me

I should learn from you simultaneously-

To live in the moment, live without pretense

To do what the heart desires, with confidence

That things will turn out all right in the end

And probably even better than we intend..

 

Freedom these days is a word that incites

Anger, concern, despair- it is a fundamental right

And in the face of a challenge never before seen

The operational word suddenly is quarantine…

**

While personal liberties restricted appear

I, paradoxically, feel free amid this fear

As the world grapples with illness and death

As millions struggle to catch their breaths

The weight of expectations that I was supposed to carry

Has been lifted, therefore I feel free

**

Social obligations that felt burdensome 

No longer exist- though missed by some,

Make an introvert like me less stressed

There is no pressure to be well-dressed

Or to societal standards of beauty try to conform

With more time on hand I can perform

My work more efficiently, it is true

With more time at hand, a lot more I can do

Freedom of time- a luxury once craved by me

I have found, albeit temporarily

I am free to think, to ponder, to dream

Something that until recently did difficult seem..

In a world united by a common fight

There’s no one to impress, no need to prove myself right

My authentic self I have discovered again

This social isolation has led to personal gain

**

When the nightmare ends, life will be

Definitely altered irrevocably

When social distancing goes away

And the freedom of movement comes our way

I hope to carry some lessons forward

The things I’ve realized during this period-

The weight of expectations from the society

Is only burdensome if you let it be

I hope in the future I shall stay

As free in spirit as I am today..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never imagined a worldwide catastrophe would be the cause

Behind my accelerated life stepping on brakes; taking a pause….

**

I hurtled through life in a frenzied spiral of chaos

Overscheduled, overstimulated, but always at a loss

To comprehend where time seemed to fly

I was always left wondering why

I constantly felt I was not measuring up

Half-empty always stayed my cup..

**

My fast-paced life was a combination

Of societal norms and my own ambition

The pressure to perform was deeply drilled

Every waking minute of my life had to be filled

With activity of some sort, perceived as constructive

Sleep was optional, it interfered with being productive

**

Then the tsunami hit us in an unprecedented way

Social distancing became the motto of the day

With avenues for travel and entertainment depleted

Even in the midst of crippling fear deep-seated

I found myself in the possession of a luxury rare

I had more time for myself, more time to share

Precious moments with my family than ever before

The forced confinement shook my outlook to the core..

**

Even with a constant undercurrent of fear these days

My life has improved significantly in many ways

The pace has slowed down, priorities have acquired

The kind of clarity that I have always desired

The devastating pandemic has brought in sharp relief

The truly important things, shattering my beliefs

The need to slow down, I had recognized deep inside 

Now I have executed it, I say that with pride..

**

When the pandemic is over I hope I stay

True to the principles I learnt along this way..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Anthropocene: the current geological age, viewed as the period during which human activity has been the dominant influence on climate and the environment.)

We had created the anthropocene

Become oblivious of threats unseen

Things dangerous, we thought, could only be

Products of human ingenuity

We did pay quite a bit of attention

To the devastating power of nuclear weapons

Lofty beings that we considered ourselves to be

We pondered over differences in ideology

When climate change created ripples in our lives

We were still confident in our ability to survive…

**

In our collective self-centeredness, we thought

To the rest of the living world, vulnerable we were not

Humankind was not prepared for the day

When the smallest living particle, lacking its own DNA

Would rule the world, bringing our lives to a standstill

Spreading fear far greater than a tyrant could instil

At first we found it difficult to comprehend

The magnitude of the threat, we were so confident

That an infectious disease in the twenty-first century

Could not disrupt our lives, epidemics were history..

**

We are learning to modify our behavior

To the vagaries of the virus, our current master

We’ve traveled back in time, through many a century

When mortals feared nature unleashing its fury

This virus crept up on us insidiously

Laying bare our dormant vulnerability

**

Yet, we are living in the anthropocene

And while the future remains unseen

With our ingenious minds working in overdrive

We have launched a war in order to survive

Many pestilences we have endured

Many fatal diseases we have cured

Eventual victory we shall claim

But our lives won’t remain the same…

**

When the war is fought and won

To the drawing board we shall need to return 

And redesign our lives, cognizant

Of the profound value of our environment.

 

(Image source: The Roanoke Times)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this pandemic while we lose much..

I am mourning the loss of human touch

**

Never thought a day would arrive

When in a collective attempt to survive

The most basic human need in times of distress

Would become so conflicting to address…

**

The first instinct when things are not right

Is to hug our loved ones tight

Yet counter to where our instincts go

Staying away is how love we show

Deathly terrified of the virus we stay

A minimum of six feet away

From  our loved ones, afraid of transmission

However painful, it is the right decision

When we work in minefields each day

Stepping on mines inevitably comes our way

Going to work fills us with unprecedented fear

Made worse without contact with those we hold dear

**

As a physician, the immense power of touch

Can hardly be exaggerated much

Physical examination, considered the holy grail

Of the practice of medicine- no longer does prevail

By electronic devices we now communicate

Who knew medicine would be in this state

And when sick patients we touch to provide care

Under layers of protective gear, the connection simply isn’t there

Extending a hand to comfort someone in pain

Has been sacrificed at the altar of the virus again

**

Nostalgic for old days, mourning the inability

To touch, I bring my palms together in humility

And pray fervently to the powers divine

That one day, soon, human touch will be fine..

(Image source: https://images.app.goo.gl/iPnkYjbyQ3bN2YSv5)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are trying times, and health care workers are afraid as they try to navigate their personal and professional lives in the face of shortage of personal protective equipment, especially in the United States. This is an attempt to give a voice to all the physicians on the front lines..

Many times in my life had I been afraid

Worried sick, my emotions swayed

By fear of the unknown that I had allowed

To take hold of me, somehow…

I thought I understood fear

I did not though, now it is clear

*

Never in my life have I before

Felt fear that shook me to the core

This is fear at a completely different level

This is fear so feral, so primeval

Fear of the unknown, like a dark cloud

Threatening to envelop like a shroud

There’s no one to turn to, answers there are none

And the apocalyptic nightmare has just begun!

*

I was going through life with the thought

That working in healthcare a special fulfillment brought

I knew occupational hazards did exist

Yet most infectious agents I would comfortably resist

Never did I imagine that my source of pride

Would be replaced by constant fear by my side…

*

This fear is multidimensional, which is why

To try to understand it completely I

Am at a loss- besides the obvious fear of illness

And death- I have that additional fear to address

That if I work with complete dedication

I place my family and patients in a perilous situation…

Who do I protect first- this has become

A morbid riddle, an unsolvable conundrum

I am still learning to be torn apart

As I distance myself from those near to my heart

*

Fear envelops me, as I contemplate

The impossible decisions of deciding the fate

Of patients based on criteria that in better days

Would be considered discriminatory in criminal ways

My medical training had not equipped me to

Play God (or the Devil?) as I might be required to do..

*

With fearful thoughts raging through my mind

I try to trick myself to fall asleep, I remind

Myself that sleep is necessary to ensure

My immunity works and I can endure

Working in these times dystopian

Putting on a brave front as a physician

Yet the only action that my fear alleviates

Is acquiring knowledge, therefore I educate

Myself on the disease- feeling hopeful each time I read

About any promising treatment indeed…

I did not intend, nor do I care

To be called a superhero- to be fair

I am not one, so I should not be expected

To stay well without being protected

There is one fear I can allay-

If I get protective equipment, I can say

I am there for the sick, as I am required to do

Without feeling like a sacrificial lamb too…

*

I am afraid, and at the end of the day

I close my eyes, and simply pray…

Someday I’ll talk about a cataclysmic

Event that changed the world, a pandemic

A virus swept the world by storm

Fear over its spread became the norm

In terms of social media trends

The “crown” it took for days on end

Spread like lightning, helped by the conveniences

Of modern day travel- breaking all defences

Lives it claimed, and economies too

Each day created panic anew…

 

*

While all this is happening today

I hope I’d remember the pandemic in a different way-

Survivors would survive, hysteria would die down

But I hope there would remain a positive legacy to this “crown”-

In a decade that had begun sharply polarized

Coronavirus would be remembered as the medium that made us realize

That health and illness do not discriminate

On the basis of politics, religion, country or state

I hope that 2020 would go down in history

As the year that united every country

Because all the differences that the world had to face

Paled in front of this massive menace

I hope one day I would talk about how the world

Came together, and a war on the virus unfurled..

 

*

Call me a fantasist, but I hope for change radical

And I believe this pandemic might be the vehicle

For us to take a step back and evaluate

The mindless consumerism that has been our state

Temporary restrictions on mobility

Might make us reevaluate and see

All the things that we consume versus all the things that we need

This would be the time to learn how to live sustainably indeed

 

*

Someday I hope I would remember

The year 2020 as a defining year

When a virus by causing a pandemic

Ripped apart our world’s flimsy fabric

And forced us to redesign our lives

In a better way, that let humanity thrive

 

(Corona means “crown”)